Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

Conflict is a fact of life. It is always with us, and it always will be.  In fact, conflict can be helpful and even healthy.  Learning how to manage and use conflict can make your relationships much more fulfilling.  At work, managing conflict can improve morale, increase efficiency, and enable teams to achieve at their highest level.

No matter how hard you try, there is probably at least one person with whom you find it difficult to get along.  You just seem to rub each other the wrong way.  Sometimes we call this "personality conflict."  When that someone is a coworker, it can make your job more difficult.

Avoiding conflict can be a good start - a way to minimize the conflict that will occur, and prevent disruptions in the workplace.  How can you avoid conflict?  Start by using "I" instead of "You" messages.  Here's an example:  "You're holding me up because you haven't given me the sales numbers."  When we use "you" we put the other person on the defensive.  We have also neglected to explain what could have been done differently.  Instead, try:  "I need the sales numbers earlier in the day so that I can give them to Marketing."  Another option is, "Instead of leaving a message in my voice mail, could you please e-mail the numbers to me from now on?"  By using "I" statements, we are explaining what we need without putting the other person on the defensive.  Sometimes avoiding conflict is simply a matter of timing.  For example, ask a coworker to call you when they have a minute, rather than telling them that you have to talk to them right now.  Try to be aware of the workload of those around you, and be sensitive to it when you make requests.

Sometimes, however, conflict cannot be avoided.  And sometimes it shouldn't be!  If there is a problem or disagreement, ignoring it will not make it go away.  When trying to resolve conflict, keep the following suggestions in mind:

1. Include all those who are part of the process.  Leaving someone "out of the loop" until after the decision is made will not resolve conflict - it may create more!

2. Find a neutral person in which to work through the disagreement.  Sometimes an uninvolved third party can help to provide options with an objective perspective.  And meeting on neutral ground means no one is on their own turf.

3. Allow adequate time to talk through the issue - feeling rushed won't make it easier.

4. Think things through before you say them - try to use neutral language and avoid blaming.

5. Listen!  This is the single most important thing you can do to resolve conflict.  Listen carefully to what the other person is saying.  This will go a long way towards easing the angry feelings, even if you can't come up with a solution right away.  Being listened to helps us feel validated and important.

6. Focus on the problem, not the person.

7. Be ready to suggest possible solutions.

8. Treat others with respect and dignity.

With practice, you will find yourself resolving most problems before they become conflicts.  Just remember that it all starts with open communication.  If you need guidance in the area of conflict resolution, or help in dealing with a difficult coworker, consider contacting your EAP.