Positive Self-Esteem

Helping children feel good about themselves is one of the greatest gifts adults can give them.  A child who has positive self-esteem will have an easier time resisting pressure to use alcohol or other drugs.  A positive self-image enables a person to be productive and respond to others in healthy ways.  Positive, nurturing family relationships are important in fostering self-esteem.  Parents can say negative things without destroying self-esteem.  Negative messages, when delivered clearly and in non-destructive ways, help children learn how to behave.  Negative messages should be directed at the child's actions, not at the child personally.

Self-Esteem in Young Children
Between the ages of one and three, children learn to think for themselves.  This is the time for parents to set limits while allowing them to be creative and begin to make their own decisions.  Routine activities present great opportunities for praise.

Between the ages of three and six, children learn who they are, how far their imaginations will reach, and what their boundaries are.  Clear negative messages at this age teach children about potential dangers around them.  They need room to discover who they are in relation to the rest of the world.  At this age, they are eager to help and should be given small tasks and chores, giving many changes for both positive and negative messages.

Children between 6 and 12 are on their way to independence and responsibility.  Self-esteem messages are important and should include approval for the challenges and testing children initiate.  It is not too early to teach children about the dangers of alcohol and other drugs.  Helping young children develop refusal skills will enable them to refuse when they are offered alcohol and other drugs by peers, older children, or adults.

Self-Esteem in Adolescents
An important developmental task of 13 to 19 year olds is separating from the family.  At this age, an adolescent is becoming an independent person, responsible for his/her feelings, needs, and behavior.  The separation process can be extreme, sometimes taking the form of open rebellion.  The adolescent may break every family rule to declare his or her independence.  Adolescence is when many young people are first confronted with the choice of using alcohol or other drugs.  Parents must empathize with the confusion their teens are facing and help them grow with messages of encouragement and love.

Self-Esteem in Parents
Adults build self-esteem in the same ways they help build it in others.  They can learn to give themselves positive verbal rewards for just being, trying, and doing well.  Parents should recognize that it is healthy to seek help and support to get through tough times.

Parents who are adult children of alcoholics or addicts (ACOA) may have conflicting feelings in their role as parents.  They may suffer from low self-esteem because of negative childhood experiences resulting from alcohol and other drug abuse by a family member.  It's hard for parents with low self-esteem to give positive messages to their children.  ACOA parents don't always recognize that their children may receive mixed messages from them and may experience the same problems of guilt, shame and low self-esteem that their parents experienced as children.

Self-Esteem in the Elderly
Self-esteem is an important issue for the elderly.  Many older people face stressful situations such as the death of friends and family, deteriorating health and physical ability, loneliness or depression.  Retirement sometimes creates feelings of no longer being a productive part of society.  Relocating after retirement adds other problems such as difficulty making new friends, depression and loneliness due to separation from family and friends.  When self-esteem is decreased, the elderly are more prone to abuse alcohol and other drugs to relieve their pain.  The likelihood of abusing prescription medications also increases as people age.

Peer support can help elderly people increase their self-esteem.  The elderly need to be treated with care and respect.  Many problems of the elderly can be avoided through social and physical activities.

Positive self-esteem is a necessary ingredient for individuals to lead happy, healthy, productive lives.  Communication of feelings and problems is essential in the building of self-esteem.  Family members can learn decision making and problem solving skills that will help them handle stressful situations and prevent the use of alcohol and other drugs.