Moving Mom

Is your Mom or Dad faced with moving to smaller living quarters?  Change can be difficult for everyone at times - and change for an older parent is even more difficult.  Not only may they have an unpleasant response to moving, it can be hard to let go of possessions they've owned over a lifetime.

While we may look at the downsizing of possessions as merely "cleaning out," our parents may see it differently.  If the move is necessary because of declining health, they may see it as a loss of their independence.  Even if they are looking forward to the new housing arrangements, parting with treasured things can be unsettling.

Here are some suggestions on how to help your parent (s) deal with this issue:

1. Include Mom in the planning and moving process.  There may be less resistance if she feels that she has some control over what's happening.

2. Give her plenty of time, if possible, to decide what things she can take with her and what needs to be sold or given away.  It may be comforting for her to talk about her memories of certain items as she sorts through them.

3. Take a picture of those special items, then include the pictures in a photo album.  Mom can still enjoy looking at the items and reminiscing about her memories when she looks through the photos.

4. Ask Mom if she would like to give those family heirlooms or items to someone close to her.  It can make Mom feel good to know that she can give some of her treasurers to loved ones to enjoy.  Ask her to share some memories about each item with the recipient.

5. Donate domestic items to a charity.  It may be easier to part with them knowing that they will be appreciated by someone who is less fortunate.

6. Allow Mom to help plan how to decorate her new living area.  She may be more accepting if she makes some of the decisions.

7. Hold a party before the move.  Guests can bring items for her new accommodations - a picture, silk flowers, new robe and slippers, wall calendar, clock, child's drawings, photo album, etc.

8. Get a Guest Book to start new memories.  Have visitors sign their name and write a short comment at each visit.  A book can provide a record of her new phase of life and help her focus on the future rather than the past.

9. On moving day, if several individuals are assisting in the move, don't all leave Mom's new home at the same time.  Stagger your departure rather than have a single mass exodus.

While you may feel like you are now your mother's parent, that is not the case.  You are still the child, although your role has changed to one of caregiving.  Showing your parent the proper respect is very important.  Be patient.  Moving a parent can be difficult for all involved as your Mom or Dad enter this new phase.

Elaine Boltz, B.A., CEAP,  is the Employee Assistance Services Account Executive at Life Management Associates.