Gratitude

GRATITUDE

"If the only prayer you ever say is 'thank you' it will be enough." - Meister Eckhart -

There are a lot of things to be upset about these days. Friends, neighbors, and coworkers have family members in the armed forces. For people who have investments or are nearing retirement, the financial picture looks dismal. And then there are the everyday annoyances... the clock that didn't work this morning, the rain that came after I finally washed my car, the person who cut me off in traffic and nearly caused a serious accident. I couldn't wait to tell anyone who would listen. Yes, there is a lot to be unhappy about these days.

It is so easy to see the things that are wrong and to dwell on our problems and the faults of those around us. Yet, rarely do we take the time to notice when things do not go wrong, which is, let's face it, most of the time.

How often do we notice when we arrive safely, when no one cuts us off in traffic, when the alarm does work, when our loved ones are around us day after day? It is when machines don't work, or people are suddenly gone, that we are jolted into an awareness of how rich and nurtured we are right here and right now.

It is worthwhile to make the time to notice who and what supports us every day. There is a practice that you can do each evening before bedtime, that will help you sleep better, arise with more joy, and cause you to reflect throughout the day on what really matters to you. Keep a journal and answer these three questions every night:

1. Today, I have received...
Who or what helped you through the day? Be specific. The answer could be - a letter or phone call from my loved one, a safe ride by my car to work, warm greetings from John, a bagel from Mary. Remember to thank your ears that hear the birds sing and your eyes that see the first flowers of spring.

You can repeat the same thanks to the same people, machines and yourself every day. I know people who bless their computers before turning them on and off! You can give thanks to your mail carrier for delivering the mail, the mechanic who fixed the car, the people in the bakery who made the bagel. When we reflect on these things, we see how interdependent we are on others around us, and we don't even know most of their names. This is a deep way to become aware of how we benefit from perfect strangers.

2. Today, I have given to...
What have you given to others to help them through the day? A letter to a loved one in the service, expressions of support to coworkers or neighbors whose family members have been called to duty. A friendly greeting to a stranger, dinner for your family, gas for your car. Don't forget yourself. Have you been kind to yourself? Have you given yourself enough rest, a healthful diet, time for reflection?

3. Today, I have caused trouble to...
This can be the most difficult to answer. We often think of how others cause problems for us, for example waiting in line at the post office behind someone with lots of packages. But have we ever been that person or the rude, impatient customer? This could also be a time to think if we are hard on ourselves. Have we caused trouble to ourselves by being overly critical, or by abusing our body?

By reflecting on these three questions on a daily basis, we gain more awareness and appreciation during our waking moments of the role friends, family, coworkers, strangers, machines, and ourselves play in supporting and nurturing us, and how we help and cause problems for ourselves and others.

Our experience of life is based on what we pay attention to.

"A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labor of others, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving." - Albert Einstein -

References:
Attitudes of Gratitude: How to Give & Receive Joy Everyday of Your Life, M.J. Ryan & Sue Bender
Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection, Gregg Krech

Holly Gardner Socolow, MHS, CEAP, is Manager of Employee Assistance Services at Life Management Associates. Contact Holly at 717.394.6688 or via email hsocolow@lifemanagement.cc