Communication Tips for Parents

Effective communication between parents and children is not always easy to achieve.  Children and adults have different communication styles and different ways of responding during a conversation.  In addition, timing and atmosphere may determine how successful communication will be.  Parents should make time to talk with their children in a quiet, unhurried manner.  The following tips are designed to make communication more successful.

Timing
Many parents hesitate to discuss alcohol and other drug use with their children.  Some of us believe that our children couldn't become involved with illegal substances.  Others delay because we don't know what to say or how to say it, or we are afraid of putting ideas into our children's heads.

Don't wait until you think your child has a problem.  Many young people in treatment programs say that they had used alcohol and other drugs for at least two years before their parents knew about it.  Begin early to talk about alcohol and other drugs, and keep the lines of communication open.

Listening

• Listen closely to what your child says.
• Don't allow anger at what you hear to end the discussion.  If necessary, take a 5-minute break to calm down before continuing.
• Take note of what your child is not saying, tool.  If the child does not tell you about problems, take the initiative and ask questions about what is going on at school or in other activities.
• Be available to discuss even sensitive subjects.  Young people need to know that they can rely on their parents for accurate information about subjects that are important to them.
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't prepare what you will say while your child is speaking.
• If your child wants to discuss something at a time when you can't give it your full attention, explain why you can't talk, set a time to talk, and then carry through on it!
• Reserve judgment until your child has finished and has asked you for a response.

Responding
"I am very concerned about.." or "I understand that it is sometimes difficult..." are better ways to respond to your child than beginning sentences with "You should," or "If I were you," or "When I was your age, we didn't..."  Speaking for oneself sounds thoughtful and is less likely to be considered a lecture or an automatic response.

If your child tells you something you don't want to hear, don't ignore the statement.  Don't offer advice in response to every statement your child makes.  It is better to listen carefully to what is being said and try to understand the real feelings behind the words.

Make sure you understand what your child means.  Repeat things to your child for confirmation.