Caregiving for an Older Relative

Are you faced with the challenge of caring for an older relative?  Take heart - you are not alone.  With lifespans increasing, many individuals are living well into their 90's.  However, not all those years are spent as healthy years.  With advancing age comes the increased need for caregiving and many times, the role of caregiver falls to family members adding stress to already busy lives.

Understanding the varied roles of a caregiver will help you cope with the task.  Denise M. Brown in "The Caregiving Years:  Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey," defines the stages which caregivers pass through.  Each stage requires a new awareness of the situation and key words to focus on during that stage.

1. ASK:  The first stage does not involve actual caregiving duties but is a time to ask your loved ones about wishes for future care.  This is the time to discuss medical concerns as well as legal and financial planning for future care.

2. FIND:  The second stage of caregiving duties is the time to find information about services available to assist in elder care. Learn about various in-house services, available housing options and community resources.

3. RECEIVE:  By stage three there is increased involvement in hands-on caregiving.  Be open to receive assistance offered from family members, friends or community agencies to decrease the burden on you.

4. WELCOME:  In stage four, welcome activities you can share with your elder.  It is a time to forgive past hurts and focus on your relationship.

5. ALLOW:  The fifth stage of caregiving occurs during the final stage of your loved one's life.  In this stage, your allow time to reflect on the past as well as a time to mourn and grieve.

6. TREASURE:  The final stage of caregiving affords an opportunity to treasure the contribution you made to the care of your loved one at the final stage of life.  This is also a time to share your experiences with other caregivers.

Whatever stage of caregiving you are in, remember to take care of yourself.  Don't allow the stress of caregiving, family responsibilities, and employment to accumulate.  You won't be doing anyone any good if you are feeling overwhelmed.

1. Take advantage of respite care for your loved one.  Take a break from your caregiving duties to refresh while being assured that your loved one is well cared for in your absence.

2. Set limits.  Decide what level of care you are able to provide and stick to those limits.

3. Give up the guilt.  Do not feel guilty if you cannot do it all or have to put your loved one in nursing care.

4. Keep a journal.  It's helpful to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings during your caregiving journey.

5. Look for the humor.  While it may be difficult to find humor in your situation, laughter can brighten your day.

6. Seek support.  Talking with an experienced counselor through Life Management Associates can provide confidential and compassionate support.  Caregiver support groups help alleviate the feeling that you are alone.

Elaine Boltz, B.A. is the Employee Assistance Services Account Executive at Life Management Associates.